Guest Author Eli Easton – Har Dee Hot Har: Humor in Romance

TroubleWithTony[The]LGSo I have this thing for humor—I love it.  But I don’t read ‘humor books’ per se.  You know, those super clever non-fiction books by people like David Sedaris or Jenny Lawson.  I would probably love them if I actually gave them a try, but I don’t because I hoard my reading time like the gollum clutches the ring.  I spent those precious hours almost exclusively on romance.  Yes I, Eli Easton, am a romance-aholic.  I admit it.  I am proud and unashamed.

My particular sweet spot as a reader is romance with humor.  And I don’t just appreciate it like you might appreciate, say, a nice sunset or a good slice of apple pie.  No, I turn into a weepy, ‘I love you so much, please take my firstborn’ kind of fan girl over it.

The Trouble with Tony” is my first attempt at actually writing a humorous romance story.  So in celebration of its recent release, I thought I’d share some fun quotes from a few of my favorite humorous romance writers.  Sorry it starts out in het land because I read a lot of that for years!  But there is m-m in here too (I swear):

Eloisa James

“You might have to fight a duel, Cornelius.  I supposed you have pistols somewhere in this house, don’t you?  Didn’t you threaten to fight one with Lord Billetsford years ago?”

“After finding him in bed with Rosalyn,” Linnet’s father said.  He didn’t sound mournful, just matter-of-fact.  “New bed; we’d had it only a week or two.”

“My sister had many passions,” Zenobia said fondly.

“I thought you just said she was white as snow!” the viscount snapped back.

“None of them touched her soul!  She died in a state of grace.”

From “When Beauty Tamed the Beast”

 

“My father did inform you that I’m planning to live a normal life span, didn’t he?” Marchant said, his voice liquid with distaste.

“He didn’t mention it,” she managed, grateful to hear her voice unshaken.  “Sometimes plans change,” she added.  “One can only hope.”

From “When Beauty Tamed the Beast”

 

They reached the stairs leading down to the main floor.   “If you want to keep holding onto me, you’ll have to move to my left side,” Marchant said. “Though, of course, there’s always the possibility that you could descend the stairs all by yourself.”

Linnet moved to his left side, just to irritate him.

From “When Beauty Tamed the Beast”

 

Loretta Chase

“That is what I like about you, Mr. Dashwood,” she said.  “You are so decisive. It saves me the bother of thinking for myself.”

“That is what I like about you, Mrs. Dashwood,” he said.  “You are so sarcastic.  It saves me the trouble of trying to be tactful and charming.”

From “Lord Perfect”

 

“Just because I squeezed my gigantic bottom into men’s trousers, you needn’t assume my brains have shrunk to masculine size.”

From “Last Night’s Scandal”

 

“We’ve been wed more than a month.  Since it appears you mean to stay, I might as well give you leave to call me by my Christian name.  It is preferable, at any rate, to ‘clodpole’.

From “Lord of Scoundrels”

 

I’ve immersed myself in m-m romance for about a year.  There are some wonderful clever writers in the genre.  Here are a few of my favorite:

 J.L. Merrow

 

“Do—” I cleared my throat.  “Do you think you might…?”

Empires rose and fell.  Stars burst onto the night sky, then fizzled out to nothing.  A whole season of X Factor came and went, the winner rocketing from obscurity to number one, gabbling excitedly about living the dream, then disappearing to stack shelves in Tesco.

Finally, Matt nodded.  “Yeah.  I mean, I do.”

From “Hard Tail”

 

So he follows my gaze to where the cute guy’s still hovering on the corner.  “Jesus, Vinnie!  You’re afta that?  Why dontcha just fuck a girl?”

“I’ll go fuck your mother if you want, Paulie!” I flip him the bird as I cross the street, but we’re both grinning; we know it don’t mean nothin’.  Like, I call his boyfriend a fucking gorilla and he calls me Baldilocks, but it’s kinda affectionate-like.  I’m not bald, anyhow; I just got tired of figuring out where to stop when I shave.

From “Epiphany”

 

I soon realized trying to go for smart casual would be a disaster.  Had Russell not actually bought any clothes at all since his mum had stopped doing his shopping?  Had his mum stopped doing his shopping?  I picked through sad-looking checked shirts hanging limply on wire hangers, trying their best to distance themselves from the poly-cotton slacks.

From “Pricks and Pragmatism”

 

Amy Lane

The kid was a smart-ass. Of all the wide variety of asses—feminine and soft, male and hard, open and begging, reluctant and tight, Whiskey’s most favorite, very bestest type of ass was this type right here.  The snark-at-the-world smart-ass.

From “Clear Water”

 

Whiskey and Fly Bait raised their eyebrows at each other, because normally they would have let the mac and cheese sit and eaten it out of the pot until it didn’t taste good anymore, then waited until the cheese sauce cracked off the Teflon surface of the pot before they dry-washed it. In the same way that doctors and nurses smoked cigarettes, Whisky and Fly Bait were that breed of biologist who believed that salmonella happened to other people, and so far they’d been right.

From “Clear Water”

 

She cut her graying hair and didn’t wear make-up and didn’t do battle with time so much as just turn her back on the bitch and go about her business.

From “A Knitter in His Natural Habitat”

 

John Inman

He lifted my foot and placed a kiss on the tip of my big toe.  That toe had never been kissed in its life.  I wondered if it was smart enough to know what had just happened.  Would it lord it over the other toes now that it had been singled out and kissed by Frank Wels, or was it just a fucking toe and didn’t know what the hell was going on? Like me.

From “Shy”

 

I gasped when his hand came to rest on my closed fly and he gave it a little squeeze.  Lordy, I wanted that thing open.  I could almost hear Tom Junior dragging a tin cup up and down the inside of my zipper, screaming for his freedom.

From “Shy”

 

T.J. Klune

He’s all class, that one.  Even when he’s reaching to tape his balls to his taint.

“I don’t know why I watch every time you do that,” I said to him.  “You look like you’re trying to fist yourself and it’s not going too well.”

He gave a little huff.  “It’s the most unladylike thing about becoming a lady,” he said, giving his wrist a little twist.

“It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again,” I intoned.

From “Tell Me It’s Real”

 

“Hope,” Helena Handbasket said.  “You could ask for some hope.”

Ew. Gross.

I rolled my eyes.  “You just after-school-specialed all over my face.”

From “Tell Me It’s Real”

 

Tad came in to the supply closet at some point midmorning, claiming he needed paper clips.  I glared at him the whole time, wishing silently that he’d get herpes on his face, right on his perfectly plump lips.  I wondered briefly if that was very wrong of me to think, but then he gave me thus knowing little smirk and said, “Oh, heyyyy, Vince,” really loudly when he left the closet, so I didn’t feel so bad about it.  As a matter of fact, I also included in my wishes for him to have a burning sensation when he peed.  And to get eaten by a shark while being set on fire on the surface of the sun”

From “Tell Me It’s Real”

 

Below are some quotes from “The Trouble With Tony”.  I don’t pretend to be in the above illustrious company, but what the heck:

 

Mark shook his head, his face grim.  “Maybe it happened that way.  But you’ve got a better chance of nailing Megan Fox than you do of proving it.”

Tony huffed.  “Especially since I have no interest in nailing Megan Fox.”

“Jesus Christ, you’re gay, not a eunuch.  I mean, fuck, I’d do George Clooney.”

Tony rolled his eyes.  “TM-capital-I.  What, you want to take an inventory of what I had for breakfast?”

Mark snorted.  “Oh, like the idea of any guy having sex with George Clooney wouldn’t ring your bell.  Ding fucking dong.”

From “The Trouble With Tony”

 

Tony couldn’t believe he was doing this.  He was actually telling Halloran his dirty little secret, something he’d never confided to anyone before, something he could sworn he’d be too mortified to mention, even to the Pope or Richard Simmons.  Hell, even to God.

From “The Trouble With Tony”

 

“Speaking of nice girls who are twenty-seven, are you dating anyone?”

Tony groaned inwardly.  His mother could turn any conversation to the girls he should be dating in two consecutive turns or less.  It was like that whole degrees of separation thing. Bowel movements?  Genital area, women.  NASA shuttle?  Deep space, the future of the species, women.  Vampires?  Neck sucking, women.  It was a genetic gift.

From “The Trouble With Tony”

 

“So the last time you were able to successfully have sex with a partner was with Aaron, and that was two years ago?” Halloran asked.

“Sad, isn’t it? I’ve already ordered the tombstone for my penis at Everlasting Hills,” Tony agreed morosely.

“What about masturbation?”

Tony groaned.  “Doc!  You’re killed me.  Can you call it something else?  Like ‘tenderizing the steak’?  I’d feel better.”

Jack grinned.  His entire face changed when he smiled.  He went from this overly serious, cold adult to a cheeky little kid.  It was… nice.  It gave Tony a warm feeling.

“You do realize this is a sex clinic,” Jack said.  “We use big boy language here.”

“And I had an Italian mother.  You say those things, I want to slap your face and then wash your mouth out,” Tony complained.

From “The Trouble With Tony”

 

I hope some of these quotes made you smile!  Thanks to Charlie Cochet for having me on her blog.

Eli

 

About Eli Easton

Eli Easton is a new nom de plume for an author who has primarily published mystery thrillers in the past.  As an addict of m/m romance novels, she decided to tip her size-nine toe in the water and write in the genre herself.  She has various other m/m titles out or soon releasing from Dreamspinner Press.  She lives on a farm in Pennsylvania with her husband, three bulldogs, three cows, and six chickens.  You can get news about her books at the links below:

Eli on goodreads:  http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7020231.Eli_Easton

Eli’s blog:  www. elieaston.com

Eli’s Tumblr:   http://elieaston.tumblr.com/

Eli’s Twitter:  EliEaston

 

“The Trouble with Tony” links:

Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EORVJL4/ref=rdr_kindle_ext_tmb

Dreamspinner: http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=4110

On Goodreads:  http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18247525-the-trouble-with-tony

Eli Easton’s website:  www.elieaston.com

 

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2 Comments

  1. Great post, Eli! I’m a fan of comedy, and even better when you get some great humor mixed in with your romance. Thanks for sharing some of your faves!

  2. Love some humor with my romance as well! I just finished JB Sanders Glen & Tyler series and there is a lot of humor in those too. Adding this one to my To Get shelf 😀

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